Victoria's Got a Secret Page 17
Jennifer depended on her friendship and missed spending time with her as Preston became more demanding and so insulting. And she had never seen her friend so serious or sad. She knew the worry was for her. The people she loved looked at her with a mix of concern and anger.
She recognized the emotions because they warred within her. “I panicked when I called you. I calmed down right after.”
“You are not okay. You are a mess.”
“I gotta agree with Andrea on this one.” Andrea’s husband, Will, glanced at Jennifer’s hand and then to her face.
“It was a fight that got out of hand.” Jennifer kept rising to Preston’s defense. It was an ingrained reaction. One she couldn’t seem to skip even when he scared the hell out of her.
Heather stood up. “Enough.”
All eyes went to her.
Andrea rushed to diffuse the situation. “Heather, I don’t think this is the time.”
“He is an ass. He’s been one for years, and you keep taking it. You are smarter than this. Walk away.”
“Hey.” Andrea demanded Jennifer’s attention simply by shifting forward on the couch cushion and holding Jennifer’s hands in her own. “We are all here for you.”
“I want to move you out and hide you somewhere that idiot will never find you,” Will mumbled.
Andrea did not take her gaze off of Jennifer. “What we want isn’t the issue. This is about you. What you need.”
Jennifer shook her head, lost in the pain of having her life run so far off course. “I don’t know how I got here.”
Heather closed her eyes. When she opened them again, the lashes were suspiciously wet. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Deep inside Jennifer knew that. She’d been beaten down but not destroyed. Preston had tried to wipe the Jennifer she knew off the planet and replace her with his vision of Victoria. He banged away, chipping at her self-confidence day by day while she let him take that level of control over her.
But she always reserved something for herself. She retreated in her memories and forged a path around him. She failed in some respects and she needed to own up to that, but she could turn everything around. Take control.
Jennifer stared at her hands, at anything but the caring eyes in front of her. She knew she’d disappointed them on some level. They would never say it, but it would take her a long time to recover from it.
Andrea squeezed Jennifer’s hands. “He’s threatened by you. By your success.”
Will put a hand on his wife’s shoulder. “She’s right. Preston looks together but he’s a complete—”
“He’s unstable,” Heather said.
“On the inside he’s a little boy and you’re this toy,” Andrea said.
Jennifer couldn’t help but laugh at that one. “Thanks.”
Andrea smiled, but it lacked her usual warmth and charm. “You know what I mean. He doesn’t respect you as a woman.”
“He wants you to be how he sees you.” Heather crossed her arms in front of her.
Jennifer glanced at the wall of concern and realized how lucky she was. These people cared about her. She called, and they dropped everything to come running. Will left work and Andrea wouldn’t talk about the investigative assignment she was supposed to be working. They loved her unconditionally. As real love was supposed to be.
And they’d obviously been talking about her. “How long have you guys been saving all of this up?”
Will shrugged. “They talk about you all the time.”
Andrea gave him the wifely evil eye she did so well. “You’re not helping.”
“Sorry.”
Andrea shook her head. “The bottom line is you deserve better. I don’t know exactly what he said or did, but I saw the one thing today I never wanted to see.”
Jennifer had seen so many terrible things. She didn’t even know how to start the list. “What?”
“You afraid.” Andrea’s words brought a fresh well of tears to Jennifer’s eyes.
Will nodded. “You deserve so much more.”
Jennifer loved Will for loving Andrea. Now she loved him for saying that. She could never imagine him calling her names. Andrea wouldn’t tolerate it, but Will wasn’t that guy. “You’re a good man.”
“And you will find one of your own.”
“Preston isn’t it.” Heather added the comment as if they hadn’t all already made that clear.
That was the one point Jennifer didn’t need help to understand. “I know.”
Heather’s eyes widened. “You do?”
Will smiled. “Looks like she does.”
“I’m not going to sit here and make excuses for his behavior.”
Jennifer let her feet fall to the floor and shrugged the blanket to the side. “But I do need your help.”
“Anything.” Andrea sat back into Will’s waiting arm. “Will will hit him with a stick.”
“Gladly.”
“Tempting, but I think I know a better idea.” Jennifer stood up.
Fueled with their support, she could do this. Had to do this. “We need boxes.”
Heather glanced around at all of them. “Excuse me?”
“We’re packing up his stuff while he’s out.” Saying the words helped to heal the emotional wounds inside Jennifer. Knowing she had a plan was such a huge start. “The locksmith will be here in a few minutes.”
Will threw his head back and laughed. It took him a full minute to get himself under control again. “Aren’t you full of surprises.”
Less than fifteen minutes later, she placed the call and told him where he could pick up his stuff.
He scoffed. “I’m on the lease.”
“For now.” She refused to be intimidated. Those days were gone. His suspected substance use could ruin her career, and he’d shown he didn’t think twice about leaving her knocked out on the floor.
“You don’t get to make decisions about my living arrangements.” She could hear him shuffling papers. “I’ll be home in an hour to discuss this in a rational manner.”
If he came near her, she’d lose it. Not by bursting into tears but by laying into him. She was not going to be a victim for one more second. He could live in denial, but she wasn’t going to. She would protect herself. “Come near me again and I will ruin your business reputation.”
He called her a name. Swore in a vicious string that once would have slapped her flat.
This time the harsh words rolled off her. “And Preston? People will believe me.”
She hung up.
Twenty-Four
People have the ability to bring you great sorrow and unbelievable joy. You need to experience both.
—Grandma Gladys, The Duchess
GETTING HER LIFE TOGETHER WAS NOT AS SIMPLE AS kicking Preston out. While her personal life shuffled under the crumbling weight of a failed relationship, the world blew apart. She stood in front of the camera one day and described the horrors of 9/11. Suddenly she didn’t understand where she fit in.
A strong therapist helped. So did the support of her friends and family. But she needed something else. That was her only explanation for being in the bar this night.
She stood at the back of the dark hall with her hair in a ponytail, no makeup, and glasses. No one would ever mistake her for Victoria Sinclair. Heck, she barely looked like Jennifer.
But slowly, she was finding her way back to the Jennifer she was before Preston. A few seconds of seeing Paul helped. He sat at the drums and pounded away, setting the beat and getting people up on their feet. His hair took on the color of the shaded lights above him as his arms pounded the air.
Sweaty and focused on something she didn’t fully understand, he was still the most compelling man in the room. Being this close to him and not touching, not even saying hello, was pure torture.
This wasn’t about her or connecting. She was broken and incomplete. Her life in shambles to the point she only now started looking at the pieces to see where they fit together again.
Once again their timing failed.
Going to Paul now, under those circumstances and with every part of her life in disarray, would only cause more pain. She’d inflicted enough of that on him already. She’d walked out on him more than once and only now understood the toll that must have taken on him. She kept searching, insisting she needed to grow. He did it on his own, without her.
The beat swelled and the crowd roared with approval. Hands flew into the air and people danced. He moved them.
She loved that. Loved that he’d found something that filled him with such deep satisfaction. The contentment was clear to look at him. His concentration so deep and total.
She remembered the days when he aimed all of that energy in her direction. Yet she knew in her heart that leaving him had been the right thing to do. They’d needed to grow and discover.
She wouldn’t have had her career, and he might not have this. Still, seeing him separate from her and happy stung. More than that, it cramped her stomach and filled her with regret.
She watched him for a few more minutes, letting her gaze lovingly roam over his face and trim body. Memorizing every inch as she silently said goodbye.
It sucked to find the love of your life at fifteen.
Paul sat on his couch with his legs balanced on the coffee table in front of him. The website on the laptop highlighted the best dive sites on the Canadian Atlantic. He’d tried most, but now he had his underwater camera. He could take the intense photos he’d been dreaming about.
“You on the Internet?” Neil dropped into the chair closest to the couch.
“Obviously.”
“Have you checked out Naked News?”
Paul’s hands froze over the keys. “Don’t know what that is but I like the sound of it.”
“It’s basically what you think it is—naked women and news.”
He’d seen naked women in magazines, real life, and movies.
Why not in the news? “The world is a fine place.”
Neil laughed. “You really never heard of it?”
“Nope.”
“Do you have a life?”
“I don’t watch television.”
“It’s on the Internet.”
Paul guessed that was a distinction that mattered. Not to him, but to Neil. “Okay. Don’t watch shows on there either. There’s this thing called the outside world. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. You put on shoes and go, you know, outside.”
“Did you miss the part where I said the women were naked?”
Paul had to admit his friend had a point. “Okay, yeah, that’s worth a look.”
“I watched a clip. There was this redhead.” Neil whistled. “Damn, she was fine.”
Neil didn’t exactly have trouble finding women. He always seemed to have at least one following him around. “You paid for this?”
“No. Found it on a search.”
“Bet Claire loved that.” Claire was his newest girlfriend and the possessive type. The mere mention of a strip club once sent her over the edge of reason.
Paul liked to bring the topic up in front of her just to watch Neil squirm. Juvenile, yes, but great fun.
Neil’s chest puffed up as he tipped back a beer. “What Claire doesn’t know—”
“You won’t get your butt kicked over.”
Neil toasted him. “Exactly.”
“Since it’s weird for two guys to sit inside and look at naked women—”
“It is?”
Sure sounded like it to Paul. There were some things that should remain private or between couples. Guys together should stick to action movies. “That’s what theaters are for.”
“Never thought of it that way.”
Paul didn’t want to think about it at all. “How about we stick to the dive sites?”
“Right.”
Jennifer sat on the Adirondack chair and watched the waves roll in. Being at Lake Orr calmed her. The first few weeks had been rough. As always, she could trace the discomfort and anger back to Preston. Well, to her decisions as far as Preston was concerned.
She’s added his name to the deed to her precious cottage, the place that served as her greatest escape from reality. They never married, but it caused a legal wrangle. Her lawyer advised her to write a check and pay Preston off. Signing it hurt as much as if she had pledged it in blood.
But that was over. The memories of him here had been wiped clean. He no longer lingered in any part of her life. She heard about him making deals, and she stayed away. His life was no longer her business, to the extent it ever really was.
But her year of solitude was nearing an end. She’d started growing restless. In addition to enjoying the quiet, she spent her days taping books for the blind and working as a coordinator for an organization that placed developmentally disabled people in community living situations. It was fulfilling work. Good work. But she missed her real life and missed even more the people she loved during her extended absences.
She’d gained weight. Finally free to eat what she wanted and wear what she wanted, she chose comfortable. The pounds piled on right after. Her breasts had filled out. She considered that one of the pros.
Plastic surgery never appealed to her, but she could understand why people did it. The fuller figure served as one more way to break from Preston’s hold. It also camouflaged her. People looking for Victoria Sinclair expected a firm body, not the one she had now.
She liked her life, or was starting to. One of the best parts of her day was about to come. Her interest in tarot card reading had grown. The cards were a work of art, each deck different and so rich. She wished she could draw and design her own set. Without that, she depended on her friend Tamare to guide her. Jennifer had worked in her shop part-time years ago, and their bond remained.
In the aftermath of Preston, Jennifer had called Tamare to reconnect. Last week, Tamare delivered news only she could say, because it came from the heart. Her message was simple: lose the weight because it will not get you where you need to go.
Jennifer understood the lesson. When she was ready, she would follow the advice.
The question for today was bigger. Jennifer had been reading her own cards and getting the same message. She tried to block it, ignore it. It was the last thing she needed.
Tamare walked around the side of the house. “Good afternoon.”
They greeted each other warmly and took a few minutes to catch up. Tamare was even nice enough not to mention the weight that hadn’t disappeared.
“Well?” she asked.
Jennifer didn’t pretend to misunderstand. “I don’t want this message.”
“That’s not how this works.”
“I’m not ready.”
“The universe knows when you’re ready. Your head might take longer.” Tamare placed the cards on the small table between the chairs.
Jennifer answered a few questions, the whole time hoping she’d made a mistake.
Tamare looked up. “A man is coming for you.”
Jennifer’s stomach bounced up to her throat. “That can’t be—”
“You can deny it if you want, but he’s on the way. The question is if you’ll be ready.”
Jennifer already knew the answer to that one. “No.”
Being alone was the worst. At night his mind would wonder and he’d start thinking about what could have been. How he couldn’t commit to Wendy or any other woman. How the one who played the starring role in his dreams was the same one he hadn’t seen in years.
Paul rolled over for what had to be the thirtieth time. He slammed his hand into his pillow and dragged the covers higher on his shoulder. When that failed, he flopped on his back.
His mind raced. He doubted Jennifer would even reme
mber him. God knew the last conversation had been awkward. He knew what Preston wanted and fought back the need to agree.
The only thing that stopped him from ignoring common sense and taking the one thing he could get from her was the sound of her voice over the phone during that last call. She sounded so haunted. So lost. It killed him.
He closed his eyes.
Ten seconds later they popped open.
Maybe naked women and the news would help. Neil insisted the redhead was pretty nice looking.
Paul leaned over and flicked on the light. Dragging his laptop off the floor took a few more minutes, especially since he didn’t bother climbing out of bed. It took another minute for the computer to fire up. Another few seconds to search for the site.
Then his fun crashed. The thing cost money? He had to subscribe? Hell, he probably should have figured that out, but Neil could have warned him.
Paul wasn’t one to pay for sexual enjoyment. The closest he got to that kind of thrill was buying tickets to a hockey game. He dropped his head back against the headboard and closed his eyes, but they refused to stay shut.
“Fine.” He found the free trial link and clicked the keys. A pretty blonde popped up talking about the weather. “I could get used to this.”
On second thought, maybe this wasn’t the best show to put a guy to sleep. He felt more awake and keyed up now than he did a minute ago. He went to the next clip.
Jennifer’s face appeared on his screen. A flashier version of Jennifer, maybe. This one under the name Victoria Sinclair.
He blinked a few times, expecting her to disappear. The only thing that dropped was her shirt. He’d recognize that body anywhere. He’d spent hours exploring it. The rest didn’t fit.
The date was from a few years before. He remembered seeing her in that wig and the change in her hair. Still, it didn’t make sense. Her job had something to do with events.
He turned the volume up. There it was. The husky drawl that tickled his brain even after all this time. “Jennifer.”
She kept talking. Kept taking off her clothes.
He didn’t know if he should be excited or confused. He went with turned on and turned the light off.